Tinder smoke

I'm watching from behind the one sided glass. I'm watching the laughter and the joy. I'm watching you love and be loved. There have never been words eloquent enough- words loud enough- for you. Never good enough. My laces are untied and it's poetic. It's poetic because my laces are, in essence, like my life.

Actually I just realized, I've been the one on the other side of the glass, padded walls and a straight jacket. You all scoughed and scorned the sinner in the pit. The boy amongst himself and the sinners he is.
I broke the glass down, but now I can't see my reflection anymore all I see is the crowd where my reflection used to be. I was so close to focusing on myself but I lost track of time and I ran out of room on my cell walls for tally marks of the days of our lives. I almost saw my green eyes look back at me. I almost could recognize myself. I was so close I still have the aftertaste of near-success on my tongue. The red hair and shambles of legs and arms almost convinced they were mine. Almost obeying. Near dictatorship.

Something happened upstairs. No, not God, not heaven, not Jesus. Upstairs under the red hair, under the hats that hide the singed remnants of ideas and my good fortunes from the "American Chinese fortune cookies". (Lucky numbers are bullshit BTW) -- No something happened upstairs, my golden strand of future mixed up amongst the golden strands of the trillions and trillions of Zacks that there could have been. I think science had something to do with it. Science is a Bitch and I'm science's Bitch.

I feel like a cruel science experiment actually.

Love always, Zack