Alex; Not a robot.

Song of the day: Surrender - Joshua James

I know I'm human Because of the the small beauty beating life into my limbs encased by flush skin stretched thin over my rib bones. This skin is my sails. The sails I ride the wind, cold and empathetic. I know I'm human because I dream. I know I'm human because I'm constantly at war with myself and I disobey. My life is a constant HUMAN VS. ROBOT battle. In fact, we're all part of this war. I fight the robot everyday, keep it at bay at the very least. Everyone is trying to prove they're not human. I'm just trying to stay human.

I know I'm human because I've been sad. I have suffered and have had pain. But I just keep truckin' you know. Sadness isn't a mountain you can summit, or a box you can close and stand on top of. Our Pain isn't something we can just "get over". So don't expect yourself to just get over it. I know I'm human because I can't "get over it" Because it's a maze and a jungle and an ocean, suffering is. I know I'm human because I trust maps. You'll have to follow that map and you'll have to improvise, too, and slice vines with your machete and make sure you have an oxygen tank and flippers. You'll never get over it. But the promise is that you will get through it and that's a lot better, too, because running and climbing and swimming is a real work-out. I know I'm human because I can get stronger.

 I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human anyway.

Love, Alex

Infinite; The lie.

 Song of the Day: Heaven Breaks - Sleeping at Last

I've made lots of promises lately.
The dangerous, boundless, inclusive "forever" promises.
Being so sure of things, and the future is so unlike me, but also defines me;
A sick Passionate-spontaneous hybrid
I usually keep quiet, but I guess I was feeling infinite.
Actually to put things a little more accurately:

I was hoping to find out what infinite means.
And what it feels like.
Because I want to live.
I'm just not yet entirely sure why,
or how.

Either way, I crushed another beautiful thing.
That stupid word "infinite" is beginning to make me cringe.
You did this to me.
You turned me against my own favorite word.

It makes me very sad.

No, no. Not because I don't have you anymore.
Because I've lost that little beautiful piece of me.


That piece of me I gave to you wrapped up in shiny blue wrapping paper.


And I know I'm only a kid.
But I think I had a glimpse of real life.
It was dark.

And now, I'm angry, 
the real life kind of angry.
The angry that drunken fathers have when they come home after the bar.
alcohol on their breath, rage in their drunken fingertips.
I'm the secret, red-rage angry.
I want to scream at you.

I'm hoping I never get the chance.
Because that would mean I have to look into your stupid blue eyes
and that stupid long hair, and your stupid dresses,
and your ocean tossed lips,
That would mean I would have to hear the chimes that ooze out of your stupid mouth.
and frankly. I'm not sure that's something I ever want to experience again.

Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.

 Love, Alex

Throwback Thursday

 Song of the day: Re: Stacks - Bon Iver


I keep thinking about all the years of reading eloquent words like algorithms you plucked from your beautiful brain; and the obscure, enigmatic "YOU" posts, that were a sort of Poem-prose hybrid that where so irreproachable, and flawless they set my imagination in a sort of epileptic imagination seizure and it didn't take much to think you might have been talking about me.There was just that possibility far off in the distance, just past the flaming lips of the horizon, you shared the secret, quiet, tortured love I had have for you. There were times when we were together, the rare quiet, gossamer times, when I was sure that our young hearts pounded in rhythm and our affinity was infinite; And I swear. I swear, You would raise your perfect eyebrow and your thin lips would raise and you'd laugh, if you could call it that, an arpeggio of the most glorious chimes you haven't heard; and I would let my imagination take us up fast and far to the future, where we're together, and I wanted to tell you, but I would just laugh too. But mostly because if I didn't I would have told you how I felt. And that scared me more than anything.

Now you're at College.
And I'm still here.

Now I'm Writing YOU posts. 

Love, Alex

Blog Is Just Beauty Spelled Backwards*

Song Of The Day: Colors - Grouplove


hi.
im Alex.
 
I live a quiet life dotting my eyes and CapitaliZing my Z's. 
A careful life, carefree and free of the strings that keep you all battened down like fingernails on fingers and tattoos on thugs and blood to bodies.

hey.
it's Alex again.

You know where to find me. 
I'll be here,

Sitting and Writing and Cursing (Just a little bit.)

Don't worry. I ain't the preachin type. 
But I'll pray for your angels to come.
Hell, I'll even be your angel.
But I will warn you now. 
I ain't the preachin type, 
I ain't got wings to get you up.
I'm not going to grab you by your cuffs and tell you to be better. 
I might even pull you down. 
Just don't forget it, 
I warned you. 

We are all going to die Someday.

       

   Love Alex.