Infinite; The lie.

 Song of the Day: Heaven Breaks - Sleeping at Last

I've made lots of promises lately.
The dangerous, boundless, inclusive "forever" promises.
Being so sure of things, and the future is so unlike me, but also defines me;
A sick Passionate-spontaneous hybrid
I usually keep quiet, but I guess I was feeling infinite.
Actually to put things a little more accurately:

I was hoping to find out what infinite means.
And what it feels like.
Because I want to live.
I'm just not yet entirely sure why,
or how.

Either way, I crushed another beautiful thing.
That stupid word "infinite" is beginning to make me cringe.
You did this to me.
You turned me against my own favorite word.

It makes me very sad.

No, no. Not because I don't have you anymore.
Because I've lost that little beautiful piece of me.


That piece of me I gave to you wrapped up in shiny blue wrapping paper.


And I know I'm only a kid.
But I think I had a glimpse of real life.
It was dark.

And now, I'm angry, 
the real life kind of angry.
The angry that drunken fathers have when they come home after the bar.
alcohol on their breath, rage in their drunken fingertips.
I'm the secret, red-rage angry.
I want to scream at you.

I'm hoping I never get the chance.
Because that would mean I have to look into your stupid blue eyes
and that stupid long hair, and your stupid dresses,
and your ocean tossed lips,
That would mean I would have to hear the chimes that ooze out of your stupid mouth.
and frankly. I'm not sure that's something I ever want to experience again.

Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.

 Love, Alex